Saturday, August 10, 2013
Assessment
I am having a hard time with the exercise that we have practiced in this class for some reason they do not relax me they frustrate me. The only one I had success with is the first time I did the loving kindness exercise. I am starting to think that it works better for me to focus on my breathing and inner-self as I exercise because that seems to be the only time I focus on myself. I did the assessment that was discussed in chapter 11 of our text. I felt totally lost as I read through the chapter but once I closed my eyes it seemed a little clearer. My area of focus is interpersonal. I feel this way because I have a hard time of trusting others and allowing them in. This not only includes friends but family as well. I feel that it is hard for me to form close relationships with others due to this and the more I think about it the more I feel I lack a connection deep within myself. I feel if I continue to work on breathing exercise and taking the time to focus on my inner-self I will be able to find the connection I am searching for.
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Good luck with the trust thing. It is no joking matter, learning (or relearning) to trust. It may be that as we meditate, we become more certain of ourselves, more stable, and therefore less able to be damaged by others. This would make the risks required to gain connection with others easier to take on. (At least, I hope that's true.)
ReplyDeleteHi Hilary,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading your blog, you remind me a lot of myself. I am struggling with this class in its entirety because it is just not my worldview. I agree with some of the things Dacher says, but I am by no means a convert of his Eastern philosophies. I know that is why I struggle with the meditations. I would rather be spending my quiet time reading my Bible, or praying.
I thin trust can be a hard thing for people who have experienced deep pain in their lives. Losing people you love, or simply feeling abandoned by them leaves deep scars that are hard to overcome. My dad was an alcoholic throughout most of my teen and early adult years until he finally got sober. Those feelings of abandonment really affected me more than I thought and eventually made me realize I had many unhealthy coping mechanisms for that pain in my adult life.
The one thing I do like is this assessment. I think any time we look into ourselves and try to find the areas of suffering and be willing then to do the hard steps of rooting out the cause and dealing with it, we are the better for it. It is when we choose to ignore those things and continue with unhealthy coping mechanisms or avoidance that we not only hurt ourselves, but those we love and who love us.
I am proud of you that you have identified this area in your life. It takes a lot of courage to step up and admit you have trust issues. I encourage you to keep exploring this so you can work through it. Have a great rest of the week!